For an idea as to what we’re doing here, refer back to the introduction for more details.
We’re into the top five at this point, and from here on, everything is generally of good quality; from the shit talking to the beats to the costumes, everything in these videos works more often than it doesn’t, and the final products are honestly pretty great all the way around. Let’s take a look at what’s going on today, and head into the top three tomorrow.
Hulk Hogan and Macho Man vs Kim Jong-il:
Where to begin here? Timothy Delaghetto is an awesome battle rapper and I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him back in another role at some point; he’s clearly more articulate than Kim Jong-il, but he’s easily able to keep up with Peter and Lloyd doing their silly voices and such, and he takes some great shots at Hogan throughout. Peter also finds a perfect silly voice to use for Hogan here and takes plenty of great shots at Kim and Hogan here (“I’m gonna bounce you like a check for my alimony!”), he just looks so stupid in the Hogan costume it’s great. Also, Lloyd does a surprisingly decent Macho Man voice, and does the elbowdrop better than CM Punk, so there’s that.
Macho Man’s battle rap kind of gets a bit weak at the end; considering he was a guy who cut some of the most coked out promos in the history of the business, you’d think Lloyd would’ve rapped about, I don’t know, jumping off Jupiter and elbowdropping Kim Jong-il to Hell or something. Also if you have no context for Hogan or Macho Man this may seem like a weird rap battle, though Hogan, at least, has somehow managed to stay relevant for three decades, so that’s slightly less of a problem.
Billy Mays vs Ben Franklin:
First: go back and look at Ben Franklin. That’s Lloyd. If you say you knew that from jump you’re a goddamn liar. That is some quality work right there.
Anyway all involved parties get in some serious hits here, from Franklin’s Arthur Miller line to all of Vince Offer’s dialogue, more or less, and it’s consistently hilarious. Colin J. Sweeney is also a perfect Billy Mays, and his battle raps are perfect in a “Billy Mays would spend his entire rap selling shit” kind of way. Everything here just works about as well as it’s going to, and it’s all hilarious.
Well, some of the lines require a trip to Wikipedia or a cursory knowledge of history to get (Arthur Miller wrote Death of a Salesman, Ben Franklin invented lightning rods hence the callback, Poor Richard was a pen name Franklin used to write almanacs), so this is honestly one of their more involved raps; that isn’t bad but it can hurt the appeal a bit, since so much of the battle is double-layered. Further, it’s kind of depressing that, while Sweeney is a perfect Billy Mays, he’s not good or anything, he’s just perfect for the role; this works a lot better than it did for Sara Palin a while back, but it still bears mentioning.